Herro~ man, I can't even believe it is not only July, but eight days into July. I swear, it was my birthday and I was in bed, turning 20, and then I blinked and all of a sudden, it's July 8th. Like holy crap, this year is moving waaaay faster than I thought and soon, it'll be time for me to jump back into the hecticness that is life and school. Can you tell how bloody excited I'm not? ...cause I'm not. Well, that's a lie. I'm split, but whatever, we'll cross that bridge and discover ourselves when the time comes, right?

Before we properly jump into this post, I want to apologize. My lack of posting is due to extreme exhausting and being constantly dragged out with my mates. Also, I've been working out lately, so I've been coming home and passing out almost immediately. That's been a thing. Nonetheless, I've been neglecting the blog and a lot of my overall personal duties as of late and for that I apologize.

Also, I know that this post was supposed to be an introspective-ish post, but I've decided to hop on a bandwagon and instead do another daily post challenge. They are far too addicting to me and I do rather fancy doing these things to let you guys into glimpses of who I am, what I like/dislike, and how my inner workings are constructed. This time around, I'm doing the July Journaling Challenge which was created by Emily Jane and she is absolutely bloody adorable (and it's reflected on her blog), I recommend you take a gander over her blog. In actuality, I'm about 7 days late, so I'm playing catch up by doing all 7 previous days' prompts and today's prompts.

While some responses to the prompts might be longer and others may be shorter, this post'll be a text doozy with the occasional photo. Sorry, but not really sorry. If there's too much text here, you can skip this post and read my previous post or something else you fancy. Now, let's get into this, yes?

“Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of a man - the biography of the man himself cannot be written.” ~ Mark Twain

Hello, I'm Yasuhiro Mochizuki and I'm twenty years old. First things first: No, my birth name is not Yasuhiro Mochizuki. No, you will not find out my government unless I feel as though you are trustworthy enough to know it (rest assured, you probably are not). However, you may call me Yasuhiro, Yasu, a variation of Yasuhiro, an outlandish and hilarious nickname that will make me giggle ever-so-slightly, or just stick with lullatoned. Once again, I am twenty years of age as of June 23rd of this year. Being born on June 23rd means that I am in fact a Cancer or, if you believe in it, a Gemican (Gemini-Cancer cusp). And although I'm not as much of an astrology buff as I once was, I can openly admit that I have major Cancer and Gemican characteristics; mostly Gemican characteristics, if I'm being honest here.

Anyway, I identify as neutrois, grey-romantic, and demisexual. I also have a tendency to prefer being called the gender neutral he or simply Yasu. I will answer to "she", but I assure you, it's one of the most uncomfortable thing for me. I am fortunate in the way that I do not suffer from dysphoria in terms of gender as intensely as others. There are times when i do experience it, but never to the extent as I've seen others. I am also single, however, I'm not exactly looking nor am I not looking. I think that whatever happens, happens and if I end up being in a relationship where I'm completely content and decently settled, cool. If not? Whatever.

Some people consider me to be an enigma and to an extent I am, but not as much as people may think. Then again, it varies from person to person and I happen to think that I am quite easy to understand. The problem lies in how much I choose to tell you. My wife/partner in crime/best mate, otto, put it best: “ For everyone one or two things I open up to you about, there are about seven things that I am purposely holding back from you.” I don't hand out my trust easily and although I'm incredibly outspoken and open times, be aware that I am holding some things back and sometimes, I may put things in a manner that may require to read between the lines...but even then, what's between the lines is incredibly vague and comparable to white noise, in a way.

I like to think I'm like an ocean. One day, I'm calm and enveloping you with open arms, cradling you with gentle waves pressed against sun-kissed bodies and putting a smile on one's face; the contentment that isn't always noticed or understood, but more often than not, appreciated. The next, I'm the storm. Brutal, harsh, and destructive. I'll sweep you up in my sadness, my rage, my pain, and I leave behind no prisoners because no one, but few, would ever be able to survive the cruelty of my waters. I'm an ocean because I'm calm and elegant and poised and sometimes the comfort you need, but I'm harsh. Harsh and brutal and the cause of pain, sadness, destruction—depression.

I think in colours and metaphors and vaguities. Especially colours. I'm not going to go as far as saying that I have synæsthesia or say that I am a synæsthetes. Though a good people will disagree. Nonetheless, I think in colours and metaphors and vaguities. My mind moves too fast and too slow all at once. The quietest my mind will get is the most disconcerting feeling that I will ever feel. My mindscape, or metaphysical (depending on how you refer to it and see it as), is somewhat of a dreamscape always shifting to alter my colours and my metaphors, never settling and always shifting and breaking and cracking and rebuilding and shorting out. Despite my mind being almost dreamlike in its structure, do not be fooled into thinking that my mind is a pretty place, it's not, and by default, I am too crude and, sometimes, a touch too dark for comfort. My mind is built upon fallacies and even the most of elegant in this dreamlike structure are etched with cracks and dripping with blacks and grays and dingy yellows and dark oranges and dark purples. And to the metaphorical touch, it cuts and hurts. (Remember the ocean metaphor?)

I don't live in a state of depression, despite how horrid and dark my mind may be, but rather, I live by choosing which emotion will get me through what. If I'm not made to smile, laugh, glare, sigh, and, in the rarity, cry, then my face and emotions blank out completely. As it is, I am a neutral person and by default, my emotions negate themselves, leaving me seemingly empty looking. Now, my mood can shift slightly depending on the mood of those around me. If everyone around me is happy, I have a tendency to drift more into the contentment that I am much used to. If there is a single unhappy person, my mind immediately picks up on them with a flash of dark purple. I will try to make them cheer up and/or feel better, however, if I can't then I simply ignore them. I refuse to compromise my contentment for one saddened soul. I'm selfish in that manner and frankly, I do not give the slightest bit of a fuck.

Now, like I said, I don't live in a state of depression. However, I do suffer from depression and I have no reason to lie about it. In fact, I have a case of extreme manic depression, but I'm so wonderful at pretending that I feel as though I deserve an Oscar (fallacies, remember). I have a slight case of anxiety, but nothing extreme. I once had an eating disorder and I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't drifted down that path once or twice more in the more recent years of my life. I suffer from OCD, but in the most chaotically organized manners you'll ever really come across. I have a case of PTSD and I assure you, it's a huge reason for my insomnia sometimes.

But enough about my "problems", I tend to swallow them down like an unnecessary pill because really, we're being here...right? I'm self-deprecation at its finest without properly meaning to. Nonetheless, there are things that I'm content with (cause Gods know I don't believe in happiness when it comes to personal affairs). I am enthralled by the arts. Captivated by illustrations, digitals, photography, theatre, dance, music, the abstract, the culinary. I lose myself in books and writings and poetry and plays and sometimes, when I close my eyes, I'm catapulted into an abyss that so comforting, it hurts to open my eyes and drag myself out of the fiction and the beauty. I live for movies, especially those that rip out your heart and those that make you leap and your heart beat. I adore drowning in the beauty and hum of technology; the way that if you listen really close, you can hear the softest of hums. Sometimes, I like to imagine it hums in time with the beating of my heart and that sounds oddly and desperately poetic, but I assure you that's not what I'm going for.

I could go on and on about myself, but never quite explain who I am, so I'll sum it up.

Hello, I'm Yasuhiro Mochizuki. A twenty year old neutrois, grey-romantic, and demisexual student, blogger, proofreader/article writer/occasional translator for particular online Japanese music sites, and a freelance HTML/CSS web designer. I live in a dream built upon fallacies of defense and casually sip things like green tea with a giddy hum. I'm fat kid with no shame in weight, thank you kindly. I'm an arsehole. I'm crude and ridiculously rude. I'm sarcastic and I can be condescending. I drown in studying things I don't know when I get bored and can never learn enough. I am darkness in the mind and emptiness in the soul. And at the end of the day, I'm content and I'm absolutely and positively worth not a single shred of the shit I thought I was worth. And oddly enough....I'm okay with that.

And really, that's all you need to know.

“Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.” ~ Langston Hughes.

I don't have many goals or dreams and I don't say this to be depressing or self-deprecating in the slightest. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I have a tendency to become more self-deprecating and feel more and more worthless the more I dream and try to achieve a goal. No, I don't give up easily. However, I do have it worked into my mind that I cannot and do not deserve a single solitary thing to go right no matter how much I dream it and work towards it.

That being said, one day, I would love to work for Marvel or travel the world with my mate, otto, or maybe live in some place like England, Norway, or Australia and have several vacation homes. But in all honesty, these aren't dreams nor goals, they simple wants and they or they may not happen no matter how much or how little I work towards it. And if it doesn't work, then so be it. I can always be "happiest" when I'm absolutely content.

And despite what I may say about myself, I am hardly ever in discontentment and it's because of that why I don't bother wasting my time dreaming and setting goals. I work at my own pace and go for my own contentment...and really, that's beautiful to me.



More than anything I think that my favourite thing or things to do involve the arts. There are times when I'm drowning in a book or a movie or a show. There are other times when I'm lost in designing layouts and coding. Some times, I'm dancing, learning (or attempting) a dance, or watching something dance related. Some times, I'm listening to music with my eyes closed and dreaming of holding an instrument again. And other times, I'm writing or cooking. Basically, I kind of breath and live in the arts.



I have tons of favourite quotes that just ring beautiful to me and admittedly, a good majority of them are slightly on the depressive side, but the most depressing of quote (much like humans) are the some of the most intelligent, profound, and perfectly accurate quotations I've ever read. I think that people who are the most broken Honestly, right now I cannot think of one. I think it's due to being surround by people I absolutely adore and care about that has a tendency to make every outing special in their own way. A lot of my more special memories tend to include when it''s a mate (or a couple of mates) and I sitting around chatting about and eating dinner or drinking a cuppa or doing both. I love when I can just sit around and be comfortable around my mates and we can smile and chat and share stories that lead to really ridiculous chatter or serious discussions. It makes me happy because then I realize that no matter what, these people are truly some of the best, most lovely, and absolutely understanding people I've ever met and I genuinely couldn't picture life without them.



I have tons of favourite quotes that just ring beautiful to me and admittedly, a good majority of them are slightly on the depressive side, but the most depressing of quote (much like humans) are the some of the most intelligent, profound, and perfectly accurate quotations I've ever read. I think that people who are the most broken and/or depressed have the ability to say some of the most insightful things. But by far, one of my all time favourite quotes is:

“Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.” ~ Stephen King

Yeah, no. I can't for the life of me draw or paint. So yeah...no.



On day 7, which was a Sunday, I actually went out on a walk in the park. Majority of my day was spent sleeping, but when I woke up around 4pm, I found myself dragged out by a mate (practically the same as a brother to me) and another mate of mine to the park to go work out. Thankfully, it wasn't raining when we went to the park that day since it's been raining for the last two weeks and will continue to rain like mad in my air for at least another week, so it was funny. This was my second day walking as a form of exercise and we walked about 1.7 miles before heading home.

Actually, while walking with them, I fell back. Not because I couldn't keep up, but because I wanted to slow down and actually enjoy my surroundings. I've not been to the park to walk in years and being there just made me want to slow down and enjoy everything. I ended up blasting my music and walking, sometimes my eyes fluttered closed as I inhaled the scent of nature and the calm after the storm. It was absolutely lovely.

Eventually, I got towards the end and I paused when I saw this little boy practicing his pitching. He had pitched a ball that was far too high and I almost walked past them without uttering a word when I heard his dad say in a slightly resigned manner that the pitch was the last one, though the boy reached for the last ball in the bin. It reminded me a bit of when I played softball and how I felt when I was told that I needed to stop practicing in a certain manner or for certain reasons that didn't sit well with me. So I paused my music (and the app that was tracking my workout) and turned to them and said, "Uhm...not to be a bother, but I would say this: You're pitching too high because your body is too high and you're not centered. Relax, center yourself, and lower your body ever-so-slightly and I think you'll be closer to that strike zone." The dad (or, I'm guessing that was the dad) looked at me briefly before turning to the kid and saying try it. I took that as my cue to walk away, which I did and as I reached the end of the batting cage when the kid was practicing, I managed to catch a glimpse of that final pitch. He was a little low, but I think with a little more pratice and just a bit more confidence, he'll be just fine. And so I pressed play on everything and walked away with a smile.

...what can I say? I may have a soft spot after all.

After that situation, I got to my friend's car and we headed to his house for a bit and then made a Starbucks pit stop for me and ugh, their Chicken BLT sandwich is absolutely lovely and I also picked up my two favourite drinks: Venti Iced Green Tea Latte Shaken with Vanilla (and the classic syrup) and Lite Ice and a bottle of Tazo's Organic Iced Green Green Tea. They are heaven and I totally recommend them to anyone who wants to try something new.

Then it was back home, into the shower, onto Skype, and back to business.

Also, my playlist for working out was:

No Makeup (Her Vice) | Kendrick Lamar | link
NO MUSIC NO REASON | Girugamesh (ギルガメッシュ) | link
NO SCARED | ONE OK ROCK (ワンオクロック) | link
NO.[666] | the GazettE (ガゼット) | link
nobody | Girugamesh (ギルガメッシュ) | link
Nobody Knows | P!NK | link
Nobody's Business (feat. Chris Brown) | Rihanna | link
Not Big | Lily Allen | link
Notes'n'Words | ONE OK ROCK (ワンオクロック) | link

“There is an important difference between love and friendship. While the former delights in extremes and opposites, the latter demands equality.” ~ Franoise d'Aubign Maintenon

If you can't already tell who this is from the picture, then you're either new to this blog or haven't been paying too much attention. On the right hand (your left when looking at the picture) is my lurvely wife, otto. Now I don't have a best friend, if you make it to the point where I consider you a friend, you are probably at the highest level you can achieve as a person, save for lover/partner or family. However, otto holds a special place in my heart. If you look through this blog with all the posts that include her in them, you know that I'm probably my most content when I'm around her. My defenses are lowered and my mind is a bit less chaotic than normal when I'm around her. She has a calming personality over all (despite having a low tolerance for stupid shit and people, but we have that in common, so...) and she's one of those people that can sit there with me and just talk about anything and everything. Sometimes we're drinking a cuppa at the darkest times of night, sometimes were out at dinner, or sometimes we're just in tucked away in the corner of a Subway chatting and being ridiculous.

The reason that otto probably gets the most love from me is because she's one of those people that just gets it. People talk about finding their other halves and blahblahblah and she is really the other half of me. Not in the romantic sense, of course, but the two of us have a tendency to click more often than not on things and there's a sense of understanding, a lack of judgment, and a sense of trust that lies in our friendship that I don't have in a lot of people I consider friends (no disrespect to them, it's just a thing). I mentioned this on Instagram (under this same picture, coincidentally enough):

There are very few people that I properly cling to in my life. There are even fewer that I deem trustworthy enough to lean on when I need them the most and this girlie? She's one of the rarities cause she falls under both of these and I love her everyday for it.

I do cling to her and that's not a bad thing because while I cling, I don't overbear and vice versa and that's why we work. It's still terribly amusing to see and hear so many people comment on our friendship and how good it looks when we've only properly gotten close about three years ago and that was after known each other for about four years already. In total, we've known each other for about seven years, but we've been this close for only three of those years. It makes me smile to hear people say that we look like friends that have been close for much longer than that. It's a nice feeling.

I don't have a best friend, but I have an otto and that's more than enough to me.

“True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island..to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.” ~ Baltasar Gracian

And that's it, guys. We've reached the end of this massively text heavy post and I admit that was a lot of work. Normally, I don't have any problems with text posts, but this one was like salting a wound. A mental wound, but a wound nonetheless. A bit not good, but I hope you enjoyed it? I think, whatever.

Before you go! Remember to follow me on Bloglovin' or subscribe to the blog via email to catch all the updates from the blog and yes, the Bloglovin' link has changed with the URL and blog name change. Also, catch up with my tweets on Twitter and my life in pictures on Instagram.

Until next time, lovies. Remember, I love you like I love cream cheese frosting.

Labels: [challenges], challenge: july journaling, misc: iphone images, misc: lotta text

Herro~ man, I can't even believe it is not only July, but eight days into July. I swear, it was my birthday and I was in bed, turning 20, and then I blinked and all of a sudden, it's July 8th. Like holy crap, this year is moving waaaay faster than I thought and soon, it'll be time for me to jump back into the hecticness that is life and school. Can you tell how bloody excited I'm not? ...cause I'm not. Well, that's a lie. I'm split, but whatever, we'll cross that bridge and discover ourselves when the time comes, right?

Before we properly jump into this post, I want to apologize. My lack of posting is due to extreme exhausting and being constantly dragged out with my mates. Also, I've been working out lately, so I've been coming home and passing out almost immediately. That's been a thing. Nonetheless, I've been neglecting the blog and a lot of my overall personal duties as of late and for that I apologize.

Also, I know that this post was supposed to be an introspective-ish post, but I've decided to hop on a bandwagon and instead do another daily post challenge. They are far too addicting to me and I do rather fancy doing these things to let you guys into glimpses of who I am, what I like/dislike, and how my inner workings are constructed. This time around, I'm doing the July Journaling Challenge which was created by Emily Jane and she is absolutely bloody adorable (and it's reflected on her blog), I recommend you take a gander over her blog. In actuality, I'm about 7 days late, so I'm playing catch up by doing all 7 previous days' prompts and today's prompts.

While some responses to the prompts might be longer and others may be shorter, this post'll be a text doozy with the occasional photo. Sorry, but not really sorry. If there's too much text here, you can skip this post and read my previous post or something else you fancy. Now, let's get into this, yes?

“Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of a man - the biography of the man himself cannot be written.” ~ Mark Twain

Hello, I'm Yasuhiro Mochizuki and I'm twenty years old. First things first: No, my birth name is not Yasuhiro Mochizuki. No, you will not find out my government unless I feel as though you are trustworthy enough to know it (rest assured, you probably are not). However, you may call me Yasuhiro, Yasu, a variation of Yasuhiro, an outlandish and hilarious nickname that will make me giggle ever-so-slightly, or just stick with lullatoned. Once again, I am twenty years of age as of June 23rd of this year. Being born on June 23rd means that I am in fact a Cancer or, if you believe in it, a Gemican (Gemini-Cancer cusp). And although I'm not as much of an astrology buff as I once was, I can openly admit that I have major Cancer and Gemican characteristics; mostly Gemican characteristics, if I'm being honest here.

Anyway, I identify as neutrois, grey-romantic, and demisexual. I also have a tendency to prefer being called the gender neutral he or simply Yasu. I will answer to "she", but I assure you, it's one of the most uncomfortable thing for me. I am fortunate in the way that I do not suffer from dysphoria in terms of gender as intensely as others. There are times when i do experience it, but never to the extent as I've seen others. I am also single, however, I'm not exactly looking nor am I not looking. I think that whatever happens, happens and if I end up being in a relationship where I'm completely content and decently settled, cool. If not? Whatever.

Some people consider me to be an enigma and to an extent I am, but not as much as people may think. Then again, it varies from person to person and I happen to think that I am quite easy to understand. The problem lies in how much I choose to tell you. My wife/partner in crime/best mate, otto, put it best: “ For everyone one or two things I open up to you about, there are about seven things that I am purposely holding back from you.” I don't hand out my trust easily and although I'm incredibly outspoken and open times, be aware that I am holding some things back and sometimes, I may put things in a manner that may require to read between the lines...but even then, what's between the lines is incredibly vague and comparable to white noise, in a way.

I like to think I'm like an ocean. One day, I'm calm and enveloping you with open arms, cradling you with gentle waves pressed against sun-kissed bodies and putting a smile on one's face; the contentment that isn't always noticed or understood, but more often than not, appreciated. The next, I'm the storm. Brutal, harsh, and destructive. I'll sweep you up in my sadness, my rage, my pain, and I leave behind no prisoners because no one, but few, would ever be able to survive the cruelty of my waters. I'm an ocean because I'm calm and elegant and poised and sometimes the comfort you need, but I'm harsh. Harsh and brutal and the cause of pain, sadness, destruction—depression.

I think in colours and metaphors and vaguities. Especially colours. I'm not going to go as far as saying that I have synæsthesia or say that I am a synæsthetes. Though a good people will disagree. Nonetheless, I think in colours and metaphors and vaguities. My mind moves too fast and too slow all at once. The quietest my mind will get is the most disconcerting feeling that I will ever feel. My mindscape, or metaphysical (depending on how you refer to it and see it as), is somewhat of a dreamscape always shifting to alter my colours and my metaphors, never settling and always shifting and breaking and cracking and rebuilding and shorting out. Despite my mind being almost dreamlike in its structure, do not be fooled into thinking that my mind is a pretty place, it's not, and by default, I am too crude and, sometimes, a touch too dark for comfort. My mind is built upon fallacies and even the most of elegant in this dreamlike structure are etched with cracks and dripping with blacks and grays and dingy yellows and dark oranges and dark purples. And to the metaphorical touch, it cuts and hurts. (Remember the ocean metaphor?)

I don't live in a state of depression, despite how horrid and dark my mind may be, but rather, I live by choosing which emotion will get me through what. If I'm not made to smile, laugh, glare, sigh, and, in the rarity, cry, then my face and emotions blank out completely. As it is, I am a neutral person and by default, my emotions negate themselves, leaving me seemingly empty looking. Now, my mood can shift slightly depending on the mood of those around me. If everyone around me is happy, I have a tendency to drift more into the contentment that I am much used to. If there is a single unhappy person, my mind immediately picks up on them with a flash of dark purple. I will try to make them cheer up and/or feel better, however, if I can't then I simply ignore them. I refuse to compromise my contentment for one saddened soul. I'm selfish in that manner and frankly, I do not give the slightest bit of a fuck.

Now, like I said, I don't live in a state of depression. However, I do suffer from depression and I have no reason to lie about it. In fact, I have a case of extreme manic depression, but I'm so wonderful at pretending that I feel as though I deserve an Oscar (fallacies, remember). I have a slight case of anxiety, but nothing extreme. I once had an eating disorder and I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't drifted down that path once or twice more in the more recent years of my life. I suffer from OCD, but in the most chaotically organized manners you'll ever really come across. I have a case of PTSD and I assure you, it's a huge reason for my insomnia sometimes.

But enough about my "problems", I tend to swallow them down like an unnecessary pill because really, we're being here...right? I'm self-deprecation at its finest without properly meaning to. Nonetheless, there are things that I'm content with (cause Gods know I don't believe in happiness when it comes to personal affairs). I am enthralled by the arts. Captivated by illustrations, digitals, photography, theatre, dance, music, the abstract, the culinary. I lose myself in books and writings and poetry and plays and sometimes, when I close my eyes, I'm catapulted into an abyss that so comforting, it hurts to open my eyes and drag myself out of the fiction and the beauty. I live for movies, especially those that rip out your heart and those that make you leap and your heart beat. I adore drowning in the beauty and hum of technology; the way that if you listen really close, you can hear the softest of hums. Sometimes, I like to imagine it hums in time with the beating of my heart and that sounds oddly and desperately poetic, but I assure you that's not what I'm going for.

I could go on and on about myself, but never quite explain who I am, so I'll sum it up.

Hello, I'm Yasuhiro Mochizuki. A twenty year old neutrois, grey-romantic, and demisexual student, blogger, proofreader/article writer/occasional translator for particular online Japanese music sites, and a freelance HTML/CSS web designer. I live in a dream built upon fallacies of defense and casually sip things like green tea with a giddy hum. I'm fat kid with no shame in weight, thank you kindly. I'm an arsehole. I'm crude and ridiculously rude. I'm sarcastic and I can be condescending. I drown in studying things I don't know when I get bored and can never learn enough. I am darkness in the mind and emptiness in the soul. And at the end of the day, I'm content and I'm absolutely and positively worth not a single shred of the shit I thought I was worth. And oddly enough....I'm okay with that.

And really, that's all you need to know.

“Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.” ~ Langston Hughes.

I don't have many goals or dreams and I don't say this to be depressing or self-deprecating in the slightest. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I have a tendency to become more self-deprecating and feel more and more worthless the more I dream and try to achieve a goal. No, I don't give up easily. However, I do have it worked into my mind that I cannot and do not deserve a single solitary thing to go right no matter how much I dream it and work towards it.

That being said, one day, I would love to work for Marvel or travel the world with my mate, otto, or maybe live in some place like England, Norway, or Australia and have several vacation homes. But in all honesty, these aren't dreams nor goals, they simple wants and they or they may not happen no matter how much or how little I work towards it. And if it doesn't work, then so be it. I can always be "happiest" when I'm absolutely content.

And despite what I may say about myself, I am hardly ever in discontentment and it's because of that why I don't bother wasting my time dreaming and setting goals. I work at my own pace and go for my own contentment...and really, that's beautiful to me.



More than anything I think that my favourite thing or things to do involve the arts. There are times when I'm drowning in a book or a movie or a show. There are other times when I'm lost in designing layouts and coding. Some times, I'm dancing, learning (or attempting) a dance, or watching something dance related. Some times, I'm listening to music with my eyes closed and dreaming of holding an instrument again. And other times, I'm writing or cooking. Basically, I kind of breath and live in the arts.



I have tons of favourite quotes that just ring beautiful to me and admittedly, a good majority of them are slightly on the depressive side, but the most depressing of quote (much like humans) are the some of the most intelligent, profound, and perfectly accurate quotations I've ever read. I think that people who are the most broken Honestly, right now I cannot think of one. I think it's due to being surround by people I absolutely adore and care about that has a tendency to make every outing special in their own way. A lot of my more special memories tend to include when it''s a mate (or a couple of mates) and I sitting around chatting about and eating dinner or drinking a cuppa or doing both. I love when I can just sit around and be comfortable around my mates and we can smile and chat and share stories that lead to really ridiculous chatter or serious discussions. It makes me happy because then I realize that no matter what, these people are truly some of the best, most lovely, and absolutely understanding people I've ever met and I genuinely couldn't picture life without them.



I have tons of favourite quotes that just ring beautiful to me and admittedly, a good majority of them are slightly on the depressive side, but the most depressing of quote (much like humans) are the some of the most intelligent, profound, and perfectly accurate quotations I've ever read. I think that people who are the most broken and/or depressed have the ability to say some of the most insightful things. But by far, one of my all time favourite quotes is:

“Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.” ~ Stephen King

Yeah, no. I can't for the life of me draw or paint. So yeah...no.



On day 7, which was a Sunday, I actually went out on a walk in the park. Majority of my day was spent sleeping, but when I woke up around 4pm, I found myself dragged out by a mate (practically the same as a brother to me) and another mate of mine to the park to go work out. Thankfully, it wasn't raining when we went to the park that day since it's been raining for the last two weeks and will continue to rain like mad in my air for at least another week, so it was funny. This was my second day walking as a form of exercise and we walked about 1.7 miles before heading home.

Actually, while walking with them, I fell back. Not because I couldn't keep up, but because I wanted to slow down and actually enjoy my surroundings. I've not been to the park to walk in years and being there just made me want to slow down and enjoy everything. I ended up blasting my music and walking, sometimes my eyes fluttered closed as I inhaled the scent of nature and the calm after the storm. It was absolutely lovely.

Eventually, I got towards the end and I paused when I saw this little boy practicing his pitching. He had pitched a ball that was far too high and I almost walked past them without uttering a word when I heard his dad say in a slightly resigned manner that the pitch was the last one, though the boy reached for the last ball in the bin. It reminded me a bit of when I played softball and how I felt when I was told that I needed to stop practicing in a certain manner or for certain reasons that didn't sit well with me. So I paused my music (and the app that was tracking my workout) and turned to them and said, "Uhm...not to be a bother, but I would say this: You're pitching too high because your body is too high and you're not centered. Relax, center yourself, and lower your body ever-so-slightly and I think you'll be closer to that strike zone." The dad (or, I'm guessing that was the dad) looked at me briefly before turning to the kid and saying try it. I took that as my cue to walk away, which I did and as I reached the end of the batting cage when the kid was practicing, I managed to catch a glimpse of that final pitch. He was a little low, but I think with a little more pratice and just a bit more confidence, he'll be just fine. And so I pressed play on everything and walked away with a smile.

...what can I say? I may have a soft spot after all.

After that situation, I got to my friend's car and we headed to his house for a bit and then made a Starbucks pit stop for me and ugh, their Chicken BLT sandwich is absolutely lovely and I also picked up my two favourite drinks: Venti Iced Green Tea Latte Shaken with Vanilla (and the classic syrup) and Lite Ice and a bottle of Tazo's Organic Iced Green Green Tea. They are heaven and I totally recommend them to anyone who wants to try something new.

Then it was back home, into the shower, onto Skype, and back to business.

Also, my playlist for working out was:

No Makeup (Her Vice) | Kendrick Lamar | link
NO MUSIC NO REASON | Girugamesh (ギルガメッシュ) | link
NO SCARED | ONE OK ROCK (ワンオクロック) | link
NO.[666] | the GazettE (ガゼット) | link
nobody | Girugamesh (ギルガメッシュ) | link
Nobody Knows | P!NK | link
Nobody's Business (feat. Chris Brown) | Rihanna | link
Not Big | Lily Allen | link
Notes'n'Words | ONE OK ROCK (ワンオクロック) | link

“There is an important difference between love and friendship. While the former delights in extremes and opposites, the latter demands equality.” ~ Franoise d'Aubign Maintenon

If you can't already tell who this is from the picture, then you're either new to this blog or haven't been paying too much attention. On the right hand (your left when looking at the picture) is my lurvely wife, otto. Now I don't have a best friend, if you make it to the point where I consider you a friend, you are probably at the highest level you can achieve as a person, save for lover/partner or family. However, otto holds a special place in my heart. If you look through this blog with all the posts that include her in them, you know that I'm probably my most content when I'm around her. My defenses are lowered and my mind is a bit less chaotic than normal when I'm around her. She has a calming personality over all (despite having a low tolerance for stupid shit and people, but we have that in common, so...) and she's one of those people that can sit there with me and just talk about anything and everything. Sometimes we're drinking a cuppa at the darkest times of night, sometimes were out at dinner, or sometimes we're just in tucked away in the corner of a Subway chatting and being ridiculous.

The reason that otto probably gets the most love from me is because she's one of those people that just gets it. People talk about finding their other halves and blahblahblah and she is really the other half of me. Not in the romantic sense, of course, but the two of us have a tendency to click more often than not on things and there's a sense of understanding, a lack of judgment, and a sense of trust that lies in our friendship that I don't have in a lot of people I consider friends (no disrespect to them, it's just a thing). I mentioned this on Instagram (under this same picture, coincidentally enough):

There are very few people that I properly cling to in my life. There are even fewer that I deem trustworthy enough to lean on when I need them the most and this girlie? She's one of the rarities cause she falls under both of these and I love her everyday for it.

I do cling to her and that's not a bad thing because while I cling, I don't overbear and vice versa and that's why we work. It's still terribly amusing to see and hear so many people comment on our friendship and how good it looks when we've only properly gotten close about three years ago and that was after known each other for about four years already. In total, we've known each other for about seven years, but we've been this close for only three of those years. It makes me smile to hear people say that we look like friends that have been close for much longer than that. It's a nice feeling.

I don't have a best friend, but I have an otto and that's more than enough to me.

“True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island..to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.” ~ Baltasar Gracian

And that's it, guys. We've reached the end of this massively text heavy post and I admit that was a lot of work. Normally, I don't have any problems with text posts, but this one was like salting a wound. A mental wound, but a wound nonetheless. A bit not good, but I hope you enjoyed it? I think, whatever.

Before you go! Remember to follow me on Bloglovin' or subscribe to the blog via email to catch all the updates from the blog and yes, the Bloglovin' link has changed with the URL and blog name change. Also, catch up with my tweets on Twitter and my life in pictures on Instagram.

Until next time, lovies. Remember, I love you like I love cream cheese frosting.

Labels: [challenges], challenge: july journaling, misc: iphone images, misc: lotta text